I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
