Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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