remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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