I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
