I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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