Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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