We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
