I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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