Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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