Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
