He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
