I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My penis needs a shock collar
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
