You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
