Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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