Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
