so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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