I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
