Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
