I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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