new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize