there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
