My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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