Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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