Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
