Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
