Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
