did you get engaged???
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have started to decorate penises.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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