Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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