I wannas sexs uuuuu
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
