that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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