if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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