and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
