I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
