he wants to bone in the snuggie
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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