I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
