so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
