Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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