Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
