shes about as inviting as chlamydia
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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