apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
