Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
