I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
