My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How's work?
Spinning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
