I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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