Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
