Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
