I accidentally had phone sex last night
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
