My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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