i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't put those talents on a resume
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
These tits shall not be calmed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
