'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
