The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize