my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
