So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
