I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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