So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize