I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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