THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
