Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
