good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize