Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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