First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
