i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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