The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
