How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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