Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
