i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
