nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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