i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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