Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize