Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
