My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I love having hate sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
