i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
