yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize